Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from Panama. And a very Happy Birthday to my mother.

Wow! It’s time for some reflections.

Some how July 29th turned into December 25th.

While my blog is a bit (a lot) behind in terms of our location compared to my last article I intend on catching up.

My lofty goals of posting something once a week were quickly diminished when we ended up in Amsterdam for a week. Since then I have been playing a kind of catch up. I’ve been having way too much fun and have been focused on being in the moment. These blog posts take hours sometimes!

Nevertheless, I have hundreds of articles in my heart and an equal amount of half finished drafts waiting to be combed through and published. Plus I have been taking notes on everything so if my memory fails me — my notes will not.

So here’s an update!

Currently, we are towards the tail end of our epic journey from mid-July to Jan 2nd. We’ve been to the continents of Asia, Europe, Africa, South America, and Antarctica. I have so much to share on things I saw and learned.

We have managed to visit over 20 countries since July and learn a lot about the world and about ourselves. We’ve made tons of friends and the world got a bit smaller. We even spent a month apart. Christian lived in NYC while I traveled through Southern Africa before taking a Spanish class in Chile for two weeks. Now we are back together (yay).

This holiday season signifies for us a beginning and an end. It’s hard to put into words what this feels like. Truthfully, I am grateful that I have a month and a half left of travel from the beginning of Feb to the middle of March, but starting on Jan 2nd, I will be back home. I’m so blessed to have been able to take this trip but coming home, for me, is bitter sweet. I miss my dogs. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I’m not sure I miss NYC, but I do appreciate it.

But I ams starting to notice a difference in me already. I am starting to think ahead again to what I’d like to accomplish for the month and week I will be home before taking off to India, UAE, and Southern Africa. Now, for whatever reason, I’m slipping back into old habits. I still have no idea what day of the week it is but I am starting to worry about the future and try to control what I know is uncontrollable.

I’m thinking about:

1. A new job
2. Seeing friends, family, my dogs
3. Finishing my blog posts
4. Going through mental check lists of what’s to be done.
5. Other work I’ve neglected
6. Knowing my purpose in life

It’s crazy that for the past half year I have been living a wild dream. I have been loving every moment and I can honestly say I’ve mostly been in every moment.  Even last week, when I got sick (for the first time) and I spend an entire week in hotel rooms from Ushuaia to Buenos Aires, I was still in the moment. I barely ate, drank tons of agua con gas and watched way to many reruns of Ancient Aliens on the History Channel (it happened to be the only non-news channel in English). But every moment of that sickness I lived in.

When I arrived in Panama I was feeling 75% better so the next day we went to see the Panama Canal and explore the old city before settling down for a nice rooftop drink for Christmas Eve. All in all, perfection.

But sneaking thoughts started coming into my mind. I found myself on Linkedin, on Idealist.org. I’m asking Christian about what things that need to be done in the house. Then I say to myself ” Slow Down… You have one more week to relax” But nevertheless, thoughts keep coming. I have to remember what is beautiful about travel. Everyday is new.

I am there. 100% in tune with every beat of my heart. I know, that going back home, could mean I slip back into my old ways. But I don’t want to. I learned too much to forget now how beautiful a new everyday feels. I don’t want to assume that going home means losing that feeling, which is why I came up with a list of things to remember.

I want to find a way to transfer that feeling of everyday feeling new to my normal everyday life at home. Why? Because, let’s be honest, it’s a beautiful thing to learn.

So with that in mind here are my few resolutions for myself to follow when I return to the chaotic hub of New York City living, while in-between opportunities, and searching for the next.

Things to remembers/ resolutions:

1. More Time With Friends. Traveling has taught me that my relationships are very important. I noticed a stark difference in my life when I came to Chile. I did not know anyone but I made very fast friends and we spent a lot of time together. I realized that spending time with my friends is more important for my soul than I previously realized. NYC can take you away from your family and friends, and even yourself, because you are always on the move. Everything is so fast. But I want to make sure that I see my friends at least once a month, ideally once every other week, because when I see them, it makes me happy. And isn’t that what a large part of what life is about? Relationships and happiness.
2. Be Late Sometimes. I had no idea how much I would adapt to African and South American time, but I loved not worrying about the clock. Yes I was on my way. Yes everyone would be late. Yes no one would be mad. Even reservations would be held 30 minutes to an hour after the time. In US culture being on time means the world. But sometimes it’s better to be late. There’s something honest about it and of course it’s less stressful. So I’m going to stroll into a place 10 to 15 minutes late sometimes, just because it matters to me to take my time. Of course, this can’t apply to work unless I move out of the country.
3. New Mantra. “I am here.” This is a big one. When I feel myself slipping I am going to repeat “I am here.” I think a lot of my anxiety comes from me valuing other things more than I value myself or my time. I am nervous about someone’s z, so I will give up x,y and z of myself so someone else can have z. It doesn’t make sense. I need to remind myself sometimes that I am here and what I feel matters, what I see matters, my happiness and well being matters, and what I think of myself matters a lot more than I what I perceive someone else thinks of me.
4. Abandon the Fear of Judgement. Be Fearless in Curiosity. Before traveling I was so caught up with appearances and “what ifs” that often times new experiences would pass me by while I was worrying. While traveling, I cared a lot less about what people thought of me and that gave me a new sense of adventure. Being sensitive to cultural customs, I also recognized my role as an outsider especially while I was traveling in West and South Africa. The notion that I held before coming was if I paid attention to everyone and everything I could “blend in” but the truth of the matter was I am and will be a foreigner. So what if I make a mistake with good intentions? People know I do not know. So what if I pronounce a foreign word wrong? At least I am trying. So what if I look like everyone else? The minute I open my mouth I am a foreigner. This allowed me more freedom and to just be myself. I realized that even in my own neighborhood, where lots of people look like me but are Dominican, I was so worried about what they thought of me that I forgot that it doesn’t matter. Race plays a role in the United States when it comes to expectations and behavior, but outside of the country people could care less. So when I get home (and now of course) I will do things that are not expected of me. I am going to practice my broken Spanish in my neighborhood. I am going to go to all the restaurants I can. I am going to dance like a fool to tango, salsa, and merengue like no one is watching because – yes, sometimes I can be rhythmically challenged and it’s ok. My sense of adventure use to be proportionally tied to what I thought was expected of me or how I perceived other people would interpret my actions. But I am shedding this. I learned you can be culturally sensitive, a genuinely nice and inquisitive person, a person with manners, and still be yourself. Those things are added qualities but they need to be done in a way that’s authentic to you. Furthermore, I can’t control other people’s reactions.  Therefore, I plan to abandon the fear of judgement and be fearless in curiosity and my sense of adventure.

Love to you all and Happy Holidays!